| I think this was a very effective set of revisions along the lines
my comments on the last draft suggested. It vindicates both your
original choices and the modifications I thought would make
improvement, which they do.
At the end of the process, it should be clear, you have explicitly
identified an educational deficit which is also the act of learning
we are performing together. That should imply the possibility of
further learning for other people. It should also imply the
possibility of your being part of the relationships that teach them.
So if there were to be a further set of revisions in your thinking,
whether or not in this essay form, they might center around how
you can—to offer a recent cliche—be the change you want
to see in the world. |