Law in Contemporary Society

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ShawnFettyFirstPaper 8 - 06 Apr 2010 - Main.EbenMoglen
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 Too much description; not enough substance? I feel constrained by the fact that I can't point to a source that just summarizes the system so I can spend my time dealing with other issues. Feels stuck between story and essay.
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Agreed. The solution is more spareness of language and compression of detail. You are having the anthropologist's dilemma: without thick ethnographic description, interpretation is unreliable or useless, but if ethnographic description crowds out or overcomplicates interpretation, the point of the exercise is lost. Here, as you say, you are at risk of losing the space to interpret creatively what you rightly feel a responsibility to describe richly.

Do a Japanese thing: pare down the material, leaving only the essence of the entities. Use juxtaposition in presentation, showing how the structures of Japanese and US schools, and sequences of schools, reflect dissimilar cultural understandings and priorities. Reserve space not only for your own interpretation, but for the reader's expanding understanding, by at least indicating the direction of ideas you cannot spell out fully.

 The significance of the following is not lost on me, but I couldn't fit them into this initial draft (on second thought, not sure I even want to go down this road. Probably expands topic when I need to be narrowing it:

Race

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 Density of Japanese cities Because schools in Japan are smaller and more numerous, students are still able to comfortably get from their homes to school easily on their own without busing. This expands the available options for students without inconveniencing families or the government.
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This could be said in a sentence, helpfully, as you nearly do it here.
 Culture There may be a greater interdependency among Japanese people as a matter of cultural construction, but it’s not like America is so essentially a “screw thy neighbor; take them for everything they have” society.
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You are entitled to restrict access to your paper if you want to. But we all derive immense benefit from reading one another's work, and I hope you won't feel the need unless the subject matter is personal and its disclosure would be harmful or undesirable. To restrict access to your paper simply delete the "#" on the next line:

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Right, which is why efforts of this kind to illuminate the grayscale rather than relying on dichotomous distinctions are so important.
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Revision 8r8 - 06 Apr 2010 - 12:46:57 - EbenMoglen
Revision 7r7 - 05 Mar 2010 - 02:21:15 - ShawnFetty
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