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| | | Sandberg argues that women continually underestimate their own abilities, that women are too often grateful instead of aggressive, and that women’s reluctance to assert ownership over their own success must be directly related to the small number of women leaders worldwide. This statistic was the most alarming to me as a young woman: In a study conducted over the last two years, we learn that 57% of men negotiate their first salary out of college, while only 7% of women do. Furthermore, this 7% of women negotiate for 30% less money than men. | |
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< | Now, I know what you all must be thinking. Naturally, this is because women just don’t like money! I’m going to throw a few more ideas out there. From a young age, most women are taught to be complacent and agreeable, while most men are conditioned to be confrontational. After all, boys will be boys! Men continue to dominate the fields of Finance and Engineering (in quantity, not necessarily quality), while more women continue to pursue Liberal Arts degrees. I’m not downgrading a LibArts? degree, after all, I have one and am proud. However, as a result of being funneled into that sphere, we are taught to think critically and argue in intellectual forums. We do not often experience cut-throat competition, where compassion and understanding do not help you come out on top. When we hear a salary offer, we consent. | >
> | I know what you must be thinking. Naturally, women just don’t like money! I’m going to throw a few more ideas out there. First of all, women are relatively new to money. From priceless ladies’ menus to coverture, women have been socially and legally prevented from arguing over the bill for centuries, and these norms have lasting impact. Another reason for female timidity toward salary negotiation may be that from a young age, most women are taught to be complacent and agreeable, while most men are conditioned to be confrontational. After all, boys will be boys! Unfortunately, when it comes to negotiating, compassion and understanding don't help you come out on top. When women hear a salary offer, they consent. | | | Changing Roles, Persistent Attitudes | | | Negotiating Sex | |
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< | The article “Negotiating Sex” by Michelle Anderson begins with an anecdote about Adrienne, a thirteen-year-old girl who walks walks three miles to have a late-night rendezvous with a varsity basketball player named Mike. Once she arrives at his house, she panics. As Adrienne says, “I completely left my body” (101). They have sex and she never objects. After the incident, Adrienne has traumatic flashbacks and goes to therapy where she is unable to fully overcome the damage incurred that night. | >
> | The article “Negotiating Sex” by CUNY Law Dean Michelle Anderson begins with an anecdote about Adrienne, a thirteen-year-old girl who walks walks three miles to have a late-night rendezvous with a varsity basketball player named Mike. Once she arrives at his house, she panics. As Adrienne says, “I completely left my body” (101). They have sex and she never objects. After the incident, Adrienne has traumatic flashbacks and goes to therapy where she is unable to fully overcome the damage incurred that night. | | | | |
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< | Did Adrienne consent? She did according to the No Model, in which a man may assume consent unless the woman objects. She probably also consented under the Yes Model, which requires affirmative consent through words or actions. Anderson argues that both of these models are fundamentally problematic in light of studies that have shown women experience physical paralysis and mental dissociation when they are subjected to unwanted sexual encounters and that men consistently misread body language to infer affirmative consent. Anderson argues that instead of framing the issue as a question of consent, rape law should require an affirmative duty on both partners to request “information about another person’s desires and boundaries or an expression of one’s own with an invitation to respond" (123). First a meeting of the minds, then sex. | >
> | Did Adrienne consent? She did according to the No Model, in which a man may assume consent unless the woman objects. She probably also consented under the Yes Model, which requires affirmative consent through words or actions. Anderson argues that both of these models are fundamentally problematic in light of studies that have shown women experience physical paralysis and mental dissociation when they are subjected to unwanted sexual encounters and that men consistently misread body language to infer affirmative consent. Instead of framing the issue as a question of consent, Anderson believes rape law should place an affirmative duty on both partners to request “information about another person’s desires and boundaries or an expression of one’s own with an invitation to respond" (123). First a meeting of the minds, then sex. | | | | |
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< | Anderson’s Negotiation Model identifies a conceptual flaw in how we currently look at rape. The notion of consent as used in traditional rape law treats women as acted upon. When they consent, they grant permission to the man to proceed. What they are not doing is having a conversation as individuals with free agency in order to agree upon the terms of engagement. Anderson also identifies a pervasive problem in the real world: women don’t negotiate. Unwanted sexual encounters between teens or young people, like Adrienne’s, are often not negotiated. | >
> | Anderson’s Negotiation Model identifies a conceptual flaw in how we currently look at rape. The notion of consent as used in traditional rape law treats women as acted upon. When they consent, they grant permission to the man to proceed. A man advances. A woman must decide: yes or no. Imagining sex this way puts the woman up against a wall, rather than as an equal party with equal bargaining power. The Negotiation Model is a more progressive framework and the expectations created by this model may even change behavior. | | | | |
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< | How can we expect women to negotiate in the bedroom when they don’t even negotiate in the office? Negotiation is not a skill that has been honed by women for generations, and in some ways it is antithetical to traditional notions of femininity. However, it is necessary to the lives women lead in the modern world. Anderson’s “Negotiation” Model ultimately requires a man to inquire into what a woman wants, which sounds ideal. Unfortunately, negotiation requires asserting what one wants or doesn’t want even when the other person isn’t looking out for your best interests. | >
> | Anderson also identifies a pervasive problem in the real world: women don’t negotiate. Unwanted sexual encounters between teens or young people, like Adrienne’s, are often not negotiated. However, the Negotiation Model ultimately requires a man to ask what a woman wants, which sounds ideal but not a whole lot like traditional negotiation. Negotiation requires asserting what one wants or doesn’t want even when the other person isn’t looking out for your best interests. Women shouldn’t expect men to inquire into their desires any more than they should expect employers to ask if they want to make more money. Not because it wouldn’t be wonderful if they did, but in reality they often don’t.
Negotiation is not a skill that has been honed by women for generations, and in some ways it is antithetical to traditional notions of femininity. However, it is necessary to the lives women lead in the modern world. So, how can we expect women to negotiate in the bedroom when they don’t even negotiate in the office? Maybe the expectations that have kept women agreeable could be used to make them better negotiators. If society and law expect women to negotiate, maybe they will. Or, women can decide that the costs of not negotiating are too high and that the rewards for complacent behavior do not exceed the rewards of standing your ground. | | | (Hi Eben, I'd like to keep editing. Thank you!)
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